It is maybe because I am Dutch, but I have too many pens to choose from as a result of the greediness that strikes me every time when I see free stuff. I know, you probably think that I should stop being such a softie complaining about my First World problems, but please hold your opinion for a couple of seconds… Because it gets worse.
The reason that it gets worse, is the fact that I am looking for the right pen to sign the contract of the job that I have been dreaming about for more than half a year now. Just to fill you in on the details, the Professor who ought to have become the supervisor of my first postdoctoral research project – indeed, the one that did not get funded – somehow managed to secure funds for hiring me. And more importantly, he had faith in both me and the proposed project, so he also wanted hire me. As you can imagine, words cannot express how happy I felt when I heard this news and how excited I have been ever since, counting down the days until my next scientific challenge commences.
For now, I get up from my chair, walk towards the wall cabinet in our living room, open its door, and look for a large, blue milk mug which holds over 20 pens which my partner and me collected over the past few years. It contains pens from conferences we visited, from companies we collaborated with during our PhD projects, from some of the major office supply stores in the Netherlands, and hello, the mug also contains two small, wooden drumsticks which I just need to grab to produce a tight drum roll on one of the cabinet shelves. Well, make that a rusty drum roll, because I did not practice for a long time and also because the drumsticks are not perfectly balanced as they are actually pens designed to look like drumsticks.
To be honest, I already knew well in advance that I am going to use one of these drumstick pens to sign the contract, just like I picked beforehand the bottle of wine that I will open (and consume) to celebrate my new position (FYI: I chose a 2013 Barolo wine from the town of Serralunga d’Alba in Piedmont, Italy). Still, I am experiencing considerable ‘pen doubts’ at this very moment, which maybe should be seen in the context of the fact that I am becoming more and more aware of the consequences that relate to the adventure that lies ahead of me. Going abroad, for example, means that my partner and me will fall asleep in different beds for an unknown period of time after we have been sharing a bed for already ten years now. It will furthermore become considerably more difficult to supply my sweet grandmother who lives only 2.5 kilometers from our beautiful apartment in the Netherlands, with full-bodied red wines (please do not tell this to the rest of my family) in exchange for tasty biscuits and captivating stories from her past. Seeing the rest of my family as well as my dear friends will also become more difficult in the upcoming period, even though present-day information and communication technology makes keeping in touch with them easier for me than for those who followed similar paths one of more decades ago.
Embarking on the desired adventure comes at a considerable price which I am undoubtedly willing to pay. The world, however, does not revolve around yours truly, and I need to act upon the interests of others as well. Fortunately, there was more than enough time between the moment I knew that I wanted to pursue the opportunity to go abroad and the moment that I got offered a position as postdoctoral researcher at the desired research institute. I was thus able to calmly think everything over (and to over-think everything, like I always do) and to discuss the possibility of leaving the Netherlands with others. Signing the contract accordingly is not based on a rash decision but rather on careful consideration, yet I will keep in mind (and apologize for) any ensuing inconvenient consequence that signing my new contract might entail.
At last, I should not deny that my pen doubts are also (partially) caused by the fact that I am truly honored that this Professor abroad offers me my dream position. We have spoken each other for only a couple of hours in person as well as a couple of minutes via telephone conferencing. We have sent a couple of dozens of e-mails back and forth which generally did not feature more than 100 words. The Professor could furthermore only judge my capabilities by means of my publications, the texts which I drafted for my grant proposals, and, most importantly, the good words (and faith) that were put in by my PhD supervisor. Please do not get me wrong, I really cannot wait to take the challenge that lies ahead of me, and I will do my utmost to live up to the expectations and to justify the faith that was placed in me.
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