Thirty months have passed since I started in my current position, and I realized earlier this month that it was time to schedule a personal awayday, or ‘heidag’ in Dutch. A quick glimpse at my agenda, however, taught me that there was not a single appointment-free working day until Christmas. The awayday thus became an awayafternoon, and the away-component was sacrificed by staying in my office. Still, I reckoned that I could create some sort of away-feeling by keeping the door of my office closed, which I had to give up as my infrequently present roommate showed up just before lunch that day. Fortunately, I have some decent noise-canceling headphones and a good view of the city of Groningen, which turned out to be great facilitators of some much desired self-reflection and creativity.
Eventually, I did not need a full day to meet all my goals, and I am particularly proud of the ‘wall of ideas’ that I created next to my desk and which features a rough outline of my plans for the coming two years. Moreover, I came to the conclusion that my start-up period in my current function and at both of my departments had ended. I feel appreciated and part of the two teams, the contours of my research line have become clear, and my teaching is up to speed now. Obviously, there is still much work to be done, but it is time for shifting gears, as I need to hold my own and drive my career in the direction I aspire to.
Notably, I will partly let go of an aspect which defined me in recent years, namely my ‘yes mentality’. I said yes to questions asked by my colleagues. I said yes to (potential) collaborators. I said yes to every initiative raised within my institutes. Basically, I said yes all the time in a professional setting, and the corresponding mentality is a key contributor to what I have ‘achieved’ thus far. In that regard, one may rightfully wonder why I would even consider choosing a different path.
To be honest, my yes mentality was partly fueled by a desire not to disappoint and to please others as well as by a feeling that I needed to prove myself to others, which is considerably easier when they know what you are doing. Some of the decisions I made in consequence distracted me somewhat from my own research vision and ambitions. And these two aspects are actually key to keep on moving up the academic career ladder, as I wish to do.
But why should I care about what may or may not happen in five to ten years from now? Well, I accepted a challenge in a so-called tenure track scheme which relies on the ‘up or out’ principle. I furthermore feel fine in this system, and I also cannot wait to adopt the above-mentioned mentality change. Moreover, this change will in the end turn out to be less pronounced than I envisioned during my recent awayday, because I know myself, and saying yes just feels really nice. But saying no (or saying maybe) more often is what is needed from now on, in particular for safeguarding my own well-being and to make sure I am the father, partner, relative, and friend that I want to be (and that I have not been as often as I would have liked).
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